


Last Stop

by zebraljb



Category: NSYNC
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-29
Updated: 2012-02-29
Packaged: 2017-10-31 22:28:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/348998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin is worn down by his life and all the pressure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Stop

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics "This Train Don't Stop There Anymore" by Elton John/Bernie Taupin
> 
> Story originally writen in 2003-2004.

LAST STOP  
One

 

_You may not believe it  
But I don’t believe in miracles anymore  
And when I think about it  
I don’t believe I ever did for sure_

“Justin!” Three girls standing by the side door of the hotel shrieked with delight. 

Justin cringed at the sound. The bodyguard asked, “Want me to tell them sorry but not tonight?” Justin sighed and checked his watch. If they hurried, they’d get four hours of shopping in. Make that maybe two and a half, since they’d probably be interrupted a dozen times. He then looked at the hopeful faces of the fans, and sighed again.

“Nah…there’s only three of them.” Justin walked over and smiled, wondering exactly WHY there was only three. “Hi there.”

“Ohmygod, HI!” One of the girls squealed.

“Can I have your autograph?” Another girl asked shyly.

“Sure.” Justin put on his million-watt grin. “What’s your name?”

“Veronica,” she answered breathlessly. Justin scribbled his name on the picture she handed him.

“I’m sorry about you and Britney,” the third girl said. Justin looked up sharply, but here eyes were sincere. “You guys were such a great couple.”

“Aw, thank you,” Justin replied. He posed for a few pictures, then waved goodbye over his shoulder.

“Only three,” the bodyguard commented as they climbed into the waiting SUV.

“I’m sure not complaining.” Justin watched the girls hug each other, their faces wreathed with smiles of joy and excitement. He knew they had not expected to actually see anyone famous come out this little-used side door, and the fact that he had actually stopped was shocking. Justin didn’t often stop and sign things. Usually it was just too dangerous for him, and more often than not he just didn’t have it in him to fight through the crowds to sign a few autographs.

He thought about the three fans as the SUV pulled away from the curb. Fame still amazed him, even after being in the business for so long. Meeting someone famous was like a dream come true for those girls. Justin couldn’t remember the last time he had felt that way. Any dreams he had once had were long gone by the wayside. He was too jaded to dream like that.

 

_All the things I’ve said in songs  
All the purple prose you bought from me  
Reality’s just black and white  
The sentimental things I’d write  
Never meant that much to me_

 

Justin groaned as he looked at the signs being held up in the front row. “I’m GONE over Justin Timberlake!” “Justin, call me now that Britney’s finally GONE.” He was proud of the songs he had written, but lately, he just didn’t like singing them or even HEARING them.

And that was apparently quite obvious in his performance. “You know we only have two weeks left on this tour, right, Justin?” Lance asked as they were driven back to the hotel after the show.

“Um, yeah,” Justin replied, giving Lance a weird look.

“Then can you PLEASE try not to sing as if you WANTED to be ‘gone’?”

“Lance, what are you talking about?” Justin asked with a tired sigh.

“You sing like you’d pay good money to be anywhere but on that stage. We all know you wrote it for her, and we all know you’re still upset about the breakup. But could you at least put the pain to good use, and show it in your singing?” Lance asked.

Justin was about to say that the breakup was FAR from the reason he didn’t sing like he meant it, but JC jumped in. “Leave him alone, Lance. We’re all tired of singing these songs, though “Gone” is very good,” JC said loyally.

“Of course YOU’D stick up for him,” Lance muttered.

JC glared at him. “Stop it.”

“No! He acts like a spoiled little diva and he ALWAYS gets away with it! And you and Chris are just as bad. Me and Joey sign autographs until our hands hurt, while you three barely wave hello!”

“Last time Justin tried signing outside the hotel, he was almost crushed,” Chris reminded Lance quietly. Justin winced and closed his eyes at the memory. “Is that what you want?”

“Of course not,” Lance snapped.

“Maybe you’re just jealous because HE’S getting mobbed and YOU aren’t,” Chris continued.

“Hardly.”

“Guys,” Joey pleaded.

Justin put a hand on JC’s knee and smiled at Chris. “Thanks for sticking up for me…but Lance is right. “Gone” has a much deeper meaning for me…but I just haven’t been feeling it lately. I feel fake or something.” He looked at Lance. “And I’m sorry if it’s made the rest of you look bad.”

“We’re all guilty of acting spoiled,” Joey said. “It’s not just you.”

“I’m sorry I snapped,” Lance said.

“We’re all tired, man. Don’t worry about it.” Justin leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

Two

 

_I used to be the main express  
All steam and whistles heading west  
Picking up my pain from door to door  
Riding on the story like a furnace burning overtime_

 

From the beginning, Justin was the center of attention. Even at fourteen, he had star quality. He wasn’t fully aware of it at first, though Lou & Company kept pulling him aside and telling him that although there was no “I” in NSYNC, there was definitely a leader. And Justin should be that leader.

Justin understood star quality for the first time during their first American tour. The girls screamed loud and long, but whenever Justin moved forward or even opened his mouth to sing, the screams were deafening. It was, quite honestly, the scariest thing he had ever experienced. And he had no one to talk to about it.

He couldn’t tell his mother. She was always worried about him as it was. Although she was his best friend, and she knew he was mature for his age, she still saw him as the baby of the group. If Justin said he was actually frightened, she’d yank him from the group so fast his head would spin. His closest friends were his bandmates. They were together constantly, and you had to learn to love someone you were with 24/7, whether you wanted to or not.

Justin couldn’t talk to Chris, though. Chris was already a real adult, though he didn’t act like it. He was determined to prove his worth to everyone who had ever put him down, and he would NOT understand the fear of being famous.

Joey was enjoying the ride way too much to understand. He was getting paid to sing and dance, and there were pretty girls at every turn. Joey was a nice guy, and a great listener, but he wouldn’t get it.

Justin knew Lance was scared, too, but it was totally different. Lance was innocent and naïve and totally unprepared for everything that was happening. He called home every other night, even from Europe, and Justin heard him crying himself to sleep whenever they shared a hotel room. This fear would eventually turn into the wariness that would discover the true colors of Lou Pearlman, but at the time, Justin could only think that Lance was too emotionally weak to confide in.

That left JC. JC was nice, and Justin had known him forever, but he was also five years older than Justin. Justin watched him closely through the next few shows. JC was 100% energy onstage, making the girls scream almost as loud as they did for Justin. After the show, however, he was quiet and thoughtful, preferring to nurse a bottle of vodka alone in his room to going out with Joey or Chris.

Justin finally decided to take a chance. He cornered JC as they entered the hotel. “Jayce…um…can I talk to you? After you’re all cleaned up and everything, I mean.”

“Sure, J.” JC leaned in close. “Want me to get some beer for you?”

Justin nodded. “That’d be great!”

“Cool. Come to my room in a half-hour, okay?”

 

“C’mon in.” JC answered the door in drawstring pajama pants and a white wifebeater.

“Thanks.” Justin came in and plopped down on the sofa. JC grabbed them each a beer from the fridge and came back. He handed Justin his beer and turned off the TV.

“So, what’s up?” JC sat next to Justin.

Justin took a long swallow of his beer, studying JC’s damp hair. “It’s crazy, really. I mean, you probably won’t even understand.”

“Try me,” JC said. “I’m your big brother, J.”

“Right.” Justin took another gulp of beer. “Do you ever get freaked out by all of this? All the cameras and people and noise?”

“Every day,” JC admitted, and Justin’s mouth fell open. “This is scary as hell, Justin. Who are we to be treated this way? We’re five guys who look good and sing even better. What makes us so special?”

“Sometimes the fans scare me,” Justin whispered.

“Of course they do. You inhale and they go crazy. But it will only get worse. You’re talented, you have charisma, and you’re only, what, seventeen? You already have sex appeal, and those girls will only learn to drool more over the pouting red lips and pretty baby blue eyes.”

Justin blushed. “Wow, thanks, Jayce.”

“Just stating the truth.” JC swallowed the rest of his beer. “If I’m not mistaken, I’ve seen fans leaving your room at weird hours now and then…”

Justin blushed darker. “I…they…”

“It’s not a big deal, J. It’s just good that you don’t have to hide things like me and Lance do, right?”

“Hide things?”

JC looked at Justin’s confused face and slowly started to smile. “You really didn’t know? Lance is gay, Justin, and I’m bisexual.”

Justin was shocked. He was even more shocked to find himself turned on by the thought. “How long?” He blurted.

“Me? I’ve known forever, though I was in serious denial for a LONG time. I’ve finally accepted the fact that I like pretty girls AND pretty boys.”

“Did you and Lance ever…”

“No. I’m not his type. He likes the macho athletic type. Too bad Joey’s straight,” JC said with a laugh.

Justin closed his eyes, his mind spinning. Not only did JC 100% understand his fears…but JC liked pretty boys.

And hadn’t he called Justin’s eyes pretty?

 

_But this train don’t stop  
This train don’t stop  
This train don’t stop there  
Anymore_

 

Three

 

_You don’t need to hear it  
But I’m dried up and sick to death of love  
If you need to know it  
I never really understood that stuff_

 

Justin had only ever been in love with one person, and it was one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made. It taught him a few things, like how to hide his emotions from other people, and how to cover the truth, but it also taught him about lying and depression and heartache.

He never meant to fall in love with JC. Maybe JC had planned it all along; Justin would never be sure. Justin had always had a very slight interest in other boys, an interest he tried hard to push down, especially when he was constantly in such close quarters with four other males. Girls were easy to find, easy to sweet talk…and just plain easy. Justin enjoyed the fact that sex was on hand whenever he wanted it, but the faceless, nameless girls soon became too closely associated with the screaming mobs who would NOT leave him alone. So Justin spent most of his time alone at night, only occasionally bringing a girl back with him.

He watched Lance’s bedroom acquire a revolving door, and he was worried. Eventually Lance would find a boyfriend and become basically monogamous, but at this time, Lance was definitely NOT true to one person.

“Isn’t that dangerous?” Justin whispered to JC one night as they watched yet another strange man leave Lance’s room in the wee hours.

“I’m sure he’s careful. He damn well better be, after the talk I had with him when he turned eighteen.” JC unlocked his door and they went in wearily, having just returned from an 18 and over club. “Plus, Justin, gay sex isn’t always about the sex.” JC peeled off his sweaty shirt and threw it in a corner. He pulled out a bottle of vodka for himself and a beer for Justin.

“Huh?”

JC smiled. “It’s not all about shoving your dick up some guy’s ass, okay? Is that clear enough for you?” Justin blushed, as JC knew he would.

“Well, what do you do, then?”

“Blow jobs…some fingers and stuff,” JC said vaguely.

“Oh,” Justin replied, trying his best not to sound too interested. JC stared at him, then slowly grinned.

“I need a shower,” JC said.

“Oh, okay.” Justin stood, ready to give JC some privacy.

“Wanna join me?” JC’s voice was husky. Justin swallowed deeply.

“Wh-what?”

JC stood in front of him. “Justin, for months now I’ve been trying to behave myself around you. Ever since I came out to you, actually. And you’re so young…but I know you’re curious. I’ve seen you watching me, and watching Lance, trying to figure things out. And if you want to see what being with another guy is like…” JC pointed to himself. “I can be the other guy.”

“You want me?” Justin whispered.

“God, Justin, yes. But only if you want to. I’m not about to rush you into anything.”

Justin looked at JC and thought for a moment. Then he leaned forward and gently kissed JC. JC sighed and put his hands on Justin’s waist. Justin finally broke the kiss. “I want to.”

 

Justin couldn’t help falling for JC. He was amazing. He was talented and funny and easy to talk to. And in bed…JC was unbelievable. He knew where to touch, where to suck, where to kiss, and it all drove Justin crazy.

When the lawsuit broke, and they were all feeling alone and betrayed, it was JC who talked to Justin and convinced him to work on writing. It was the writing that helped Justin get through the nightmare. He knew it was JC’s own personal therapy, and he was proud when a few of JC’s song were chosen for the new album. He loved JC with every part of him.

It was around the time of the “No Strings Attached” tour that JC began to change. He was tired of being referred to as a “boyband member”; they all were. But for JC it went deeper. The music was everything to him, and he felt that their image clouded over what was important. He began to lash out, especially at Justin, since Justin was the one he was alone with the most.

Justin didn’t know what to do. He wanted to help JC, wanted to make him happy, but the thing that would make JC the happiest would be to break up the group that Justin still loved so much. So Justin sat back and took whatever JC threw at him. He loved JC, and JC loved him, he was sure. Sometimes a love that strong was tested. Loving JC was all Justin knew how to do.

 

_All the stars and bleeding hearts  
All the tears that welled up in my eyes  
Never meant a thing to me  
Read ‘em as they say and weep  
I never felt enough to cry_

 

“I’ll be your strength, I’ll be your hope…” Justin sang as the front of the stage moved out into the audience. Tears leapt to his eyes as he watched JC. God, but he was beautiful.

JC carefully ignored Justin as he began his solo. No one knew about their relationship except Lance, who had walked in on them as they kissed one day. JC wanted to keep what they had under the radar, and Justin was only too happy to oblige. But JC’s attitude during “This I Promise You” really hurt this time. Before Justin could talk to him after the show, JC went out with Joey. Justin let himself into JC’s hotel room and waited.

 

“Shh! You’ll waken everyone!” JC whispered as he unlocked the door. Justin heard his drunken giggle and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He reached over and turned on the lamp, blinking sleepily. JC let out a yell. “Justin! God, you scared me to death! What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” Justin said quietly. He looked over at the sexily dressed blond girl on JC’s arm.

“Wow…Justin Timberlake! Do I get to do BOTH of you?” She asked drunkenly.

“NO,” Justin snapped.

“Wait outside.” JC shoved the girl into the hallway and closed the door.

“JC, what’s going on?” Justin asked sadly.

“You always knew I was bi, Justin.” JC went to the mini-bar and poured himself a drink.

“But I thought…you and me…” Justin said helplessly.

JC laughed coldly, the alcohol making his voice shrill. “You thought we were exclusive? Oh, Justin, I love you, just like I love Chris and Joey and Lance. But you and me…it was always just about the sex.”

Justin turned his back on love after that night.

 

Four

 

_I used to be the main express  
All steam and whistles heading west  
Picking up my pain from door to door  
Riding on the story like a furnace burning overtime_

 

Justin’s relationship with Britney came at the perfect time for them both. He was still smarting from JC’s rejection, and he needed something to distract him. Britney was becoming more and more famous, but it was for the clothing she didn’t wear, not because of her talent. Dating Justin Timberlake kept her in the public eye.

Justin loved Britney like a sister, but he couldn’t feel anything more. Britney knew this and accepted it. She had known Justin for so long that it was easy to play the part of doting girlfriend. They moved in together, but rarely saw each other. The relationship pulled Justin to the front of NSYNC once more.

JC had apologized repeatedly. He woke up the next morning with a killer headache and a vague memory of hurting Justin. He stumbled across the hall to Justin’s room. Justin silently let him in. “What did I do?” JC whispered, shocked by the emptiness in Justin’s eyes.

“You brought back some slut to fuck, and you told me that you and I weren’t ever exclusive.”

“Shit.” JC closed his eyes.

“You said it was just sex.”

“Justin, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“Yes, you did, JC. People are brutally honest when they’re drunk. You may care about me, but you never felt as strongly as I did.” Justin carefully avoided using the word ‘love’.

“Justin…”

“It’s for the best, JC. We were growing apart, anyway. Someday we’ll be able to go back to being friends, bur right now I need some space.”

 

It took almost two years for Justin to trust JC enough to be his close friend again. In the meantime, he allowed himself to really get to know his other bandmates. He shopped with Lance, amazed at Lance’s quick mind and good taste. He went to movies and plays with Joey, then he sat with him for hours afterwards over coffee, listening to Joey go on about the director or writer or set designer. Chris became his adventure buddy. They rode their motorcycles, went bungee jumping, or snuck downtown in whatever city they were in to play pick-up basketball with the local guys. Once things fell into place with Britney, he didn’t see them as much, but he made it a point to at least call. He had waited far too long to REALLY get to know them, and he soon came to realize that they were the only things keeping his feet on the ground.

 

_But this train don’t stop  
This train don’t stop  
This train don’t stop there  
Anymore_

 

Unfortunately, right around the time things started to heal with JC, they fell apart with Britney. She had had enough.

“You’re the perfect boyfriend, J. Kind, generous, fun. Only one thing’s missing.” Her brown eyes were sad. “I want love. I want marriage and a family. And I can’t look for that if I’m still in a relationship with you. I’m sorry.”

Justin wanted to warn her about this love she was so eager to find, but instead he kissed her forehead, told her he totally understood, and said she could have the house in California if she wanted it. After she left, gathering the few things that she kept at Justin’s Florida home, he called Chris.”

“Yo, Curly! Ready to start this tour and rock the country?” Chris asked.

“Me and Brit broke up,” Justin blurted.

Chris barely missed a beat. “I’ll come get you. We’ll go for a ride.”

And that’s what they did. Chris allowed Justin to drive his motorcycle, lightly holding onto Justin’s waist. Justin vented his frustration on the open road, allowing the revving of the engine to beat down the immense loneliness inside.

“You okay?” Chris asked as Justin maneuvered the bike into his driveway.

“Yeah. Thanks a lot, Chris.”

“You bet, Curly. See you on the bus!” Chris zoomed away, and Justin was alone once more.

 

Five

 

_When I say that I don’t care  
It really means my engine’s breaking down  
The chisel chips my heart again  
The granite cracks beneath my skin  
I crumble into pieces on the ground_

 

The last two weeks of the tour were an absolute nightmare for Justin. He had felt lonely throughout the entire thing, but the last two weeks were the worst. Everything seemed to be closing in on him, and now he didn’t even have Britney to turn to. Lance thought he was a “spoiled diva,” he had lost interest in almost everything he sang, he couldn’t write a lyric to save his life, and the fans just seemed to get louder and louder. It was almost like at the beginning. He put on a good show, but inside he was terrified all over again.

Coming home to Orlando should have made things easier. It didn’t. Justin could hide out in his house, but many of the local fans knew where it was. He tried going for a ride on his bike, but a car full of teenage fans followed him for over fifteen miles. He finally lost them about a mile from Chris’ house.

Chris opened the door as Justin pulled into the driveway. “Howdy, partner.”

“Howdy.” Justin sat on Chris’ front porch and closed his eyes.

“You okay? You sick?”

“No.” Justin put on his game face. _Just tired and lonely and jaded and miserable_ , he thought. “I’m fine,” he said out loud.

“I was gonna ask if you wanted to go for a ride, but I’m guessing not.”

Justin looked around. No fans were lurking in front of CHRIS’ house. “Can I drive the new bike?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Timberlake.” But Chris went into the house and got his keys and helmet.

 

Everything was on for the last show. They were being filmed for a DVD, and Justin put 110% into his performance. He still caught Lance glaring at him a few times. By the time they were doing their final bows after “Pop,” Justin was dizzy with exhaustion. Flashbulbs popped, girls screamed, and everything started to get blurry. Justin fell to the stage, landing on his hands and knees. He tried to dramatize it, making it look as if he didn’t want to leave the stage. JC came over and helped him to his feet. Justin gave a feeble wave and followed JC into the bowels of the arena.

“Are you okay?”

“Sure,” Justin said. He slowly stood up straight. The roar of the crowd was still loud, but slightly muffled.

They went down to the dressing rooms. Joey and Chris were hugging, glad that the tour was finally done. Lance pounced as soon as Justin came into the room. “You just HAD to be the center of attention one last time, didn’t you?”

“Lance, shut up,” JC growled.

“No. What exactly was that out there, Justin?”

Justin sat down, heart pounding. “I’m sorry, Lance. I…”

One of their PR people came into the room. “Hey, guys. Great show. Before you start celebrating, can you talk to a few fans? They’re special…Make-A-Wish kids.”

“Of course,” Joey said immediately.

“Wait,” Justin said, slowly standing up.

“What…now you’re too good for sick kids?” Lance snapped.

Justin took a step and stumbled into JC, his hands fisting into JC’s shirt. All he could hear were the screams. All he could feel were the hands grabbing at his shirt, his hair, his skin. “JC…I’m so scared,” Justin said, sounding as he had those years before. “I can’t.” He collapsed in JC’s arms.

 

Six

 

_I used to be the main express  
All steam and whistles heading west  
Picking up my pain from door to door  
Riding on the story like a furnace burning overtime_

 

“They say it was some sort of panic attack,” Joey said, sighing as he sat down next to JC on a sofa in the hospital waiting room.

“Panic attack? Justin LOVES being the center of attention,” Lance said. “I bet he’s on drugs.”

“God, Lance, will you knock it the hell off? Justin isn’t doing drugs!” JC snapped. “Why are you on his case all of a sudden?”

“Why are YOU his defender all of a sudden?” Lance retorted. “Now that he and Brit are through, do you think you can waltz in and try again?”

“What?” Joey asked. JC sighed and glared at Lance.

“Me and Justin were together for a few years, then I royally screwed up and we broke up.”

“Justin’s bi?” Chris asked quietly. JC nodded.

“I’m sure he’s had some random flings, but otherwise only Lance and I knew about it until now.”

“He told YOU?” Chris turned to Lance.

“No, I kinda just found out.”

“Did the doctor say anything else?” JC asked Joey, trying to steer the conversation away from his relationship with Justin.

“Just that they gave him something to help him sleep. Tomorrow they’ll ask him who he wants to see, and then ONLY those people will be allowed in. They want to keep him as calm as possible.”

Lance sighed and flipped open his cellphone. “Guess I’ll cancel my flight back to Mississippi.”

“God, Lance,” Chris snapped. “If it’s such a chore to be here for Justin, just go the fuck home to your mama.” Chris angrily stomped out of the waiting room.

 

Justin fought against the medication, his eyes blinking hard and fast. The room slowly swam into focus. He fumbled for the call button and pressed it.

About ten minutes later, a middle-aged nurse bustled into the room. “Mr. Timberlake! Nice to see you awake and alive!”

“What happened?” Justin asked as she helped him sit up.

“You had a panic attack and passed out. We sedated you so you’d have a good night’s rest. The doctor wants to keep you one more night. He also wants me to write down who you’d like to be allowed in to see you.”

Justin rattled off the names of his parents, step-parents and siblings, and a few close friends. He then said, “Lance Bass, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick.”

“Very well. We’ll have your breakfast brought in soon.”

The nurse left and Justin closed his eyes. He opened them again when he heard the door open. “Hey,” JC said quietly, coming into the room. Chris was right on his heels.

“Were you guys here all night?” Justin asked.

“Yeah,” Chris said. “We made Joey go home to be with Kel and Brianna, and Lance was being a dick, so we sent his ass home, too.”

“I’m sorry, guys,” Justin said, looking at JC. “It was all so loud, and I felt so small…like at the beginning.”

“I remember,” JC said, squeezing Justin’s hand.

“How long have you felt like this, J?” Chris asked softly.

“Since the beginning of the tour,” Justin replied.

“Justin! Why didn’t you say anything?” JC asked.

“I didn’t want to ruin it for anyone…act like a spoiled diva. I thought I could handle it. But I got so tired and crowded and lonely. I actually hated being onstage.”

“You need a break from tall this,” Chris said. “Just hide out somewhere.”

“Yeah,” Justin said wistfully.

They chatted for a while, then Justin ordered JC to go home and sleep in his own bed. He watched JC go, then looked at Chris. “Thanks for staying. You didn’t have to.”

“Are you still in love with JC?”

Justin looked shocked, then rolled his eyes. “Hell, no! I never WAS in love with him. It was always just sex.”

“I should have known,” Chris said. “For a few years you were so happy, then you were so closed off. I should have known. But I just figured you were growing up. I’m sorry if he didn’t love you like you loved him.”

Justin shrugged and looked away. “Who needs love, anyway?”

“Well, I’ll let you rest.” Chris stood. “How about I pick you up when they release you tomorrow?”

Justin smiled. “Can we shoot some baskets or something?”

“Deal. Call me when they say you can go.” Chris ruffled Justin’s curls.

 

Seven

 

_But this train don’t stop  
This train don’t stop  
This train don’t stop there  
Anymore_

 

Joey called that evening, apologizing for not staying until Justin woke up. “Joe, don’t worry about it. Kelly and the baby were here…they’re your responsibility, not me.”

“But you’re OUR baby. I feel like I deserted you.”

Justin assured him that he did NOT feel deserted, and they talked for a few more minutes before hanging up. He sighed as he stared at the ceiling. They all saw him as the baby, yet they all expected him to be able to handle everything as an adult. He closed his eyes, enjoying the silence.

 

When they brought Justin out of the hospital in the customary wheelchair, he was met by a crowd of screaming fans. Justin’s heart began to pound, and he was frozen in place. Security guards kept the mob back along the sides of the parking lot, but Justin could practically feel them grabbing at him.

A motorcycle zoomed up out of nowhere. Justin recognized Chris’ helmet on the rider. He scrambled out of the chair, jumped on behind Chris, and barely had time to shove the spare helmet down over his curls before Chris sped out of the parking lot.

Chris went for almost five miles before finally pulling over. “I don’t think anyone followed us. We got out of there too fast.”

“Thanks, Chris. That was scary!”

Chris was amazed at the childlike fear in Justin’s blue eyes. “No sweat, kid.”

“Now what?”

“I…uh…took the liberty of renting you a place for a few weeks.” Chris pulled out a map and pointed to a small town in central Florida. “I figured you could rest there. I’ll get some of your stuff and bring it for you, if you like the place.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Well, uh, sure, but I thought you’d want peace and quiet.”

“I do, but I’m so tired of being alone,” Justin said sadly.

Chris thought about the fact that Justin had been stuck with the four of them constantly during the tour, but he didn’t comment. He simply pushed down the visor of his helmet and pulled back onto the road, heading for Justin’s new temporary home.

Justin pressed his face against the solidness of Chris’ back, wrapping his arms around Chris’ waist. Suddenly being driven instead of being the driver felt absolutely perfect.

 

The ride took about an hour. Justin smiled at the tiny house. “Think you can handle it?” Chris asked.

Justin closed his eyes. The only sounds he heard were birds chirping, and the faint rumble of a lawn mower. “Oh, yes,” he sighed.

Chris handed Justin the key. “Go ahead in. It’s furnished and everything. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Okay.” Justin hugged Chris. “Thank you.”

“You’re not alone, man. Remember that.” Chris backed out of the driveway.

 

When he returned over four hours later, he walked through the house, looking for Justin so he could help unload the car Chris had brought instead of the motorcycle. He found Justin in the backyard, asleep on the grass. He looked so peaceful that Chris didn’t waken him.

Chris unloaded the groceries and put them away, then carried in the three bags of clothing he had brought for Justin. He unpacked his own things in another bedroom, and was hooking up the Playstation when Justin wandered into the house.

“Can’t be without the necessities of life,” Chris said, motioning to the Playstation. Justin nodded. “And, dude, whenever you’re sick of me, tell me and I’m gone, okay?” Justin nodded again. Chris worked in silence as Justin watched.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about JC,” Justin said suddenly.

“No problem.”

“I was ashamed of how easily I let him make a fool outta me.”

“Justin, you weren’t the fool. HE was.”

“I don’t have anything now,” Justin continued. “No JC, no Britney. And I hate being in front of all those people. They just want so much, and I don’t have it to give anymore. And I HATE the love songs.” Justin tugged at his curls. “They’re so fake.”

Chris moved to sit next to Justin. “Listen to me…you’re too young to give up on the things that matter.”

“I feel old.”

“In some ways you are. But in others…Justin, you love music. Performing, writing, everything about it.”

“Not anymore.”

“You will. It’s too much a part of you to ignore. Soon the screams and crowds will fade.”

“You don’t know what it’s like, Chris.” Tears filled Justin’s eyes. “I’m not trying to be mean, but you don’t. They just push and yell and grab…they don’t even listen to the music.”

“Some of them do, Justin.” Chris changed the subject. “Don’t give up on love.”

“Love gave me nothing but heartache. I opened myself up for the first time, and he just walked all over me.”

“That reminds me of one of Lance’s country songs. “I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.” Was it ALL bad?”

“No…but I don’t know if it was worth the hurt.”

“Not everyone who loves you is out to break your heart, Justin.” Chris blushed. “I, uh, yeah.” He got up and went into the kitchen.

Justin followed him. “What are you saying, Chris?”

Chris looked him in the eye. “I’m saying that it will NEVER just be about the sex, and I will do my best to NEVER make a fool out of you. You won’t feel all alone, and I'll protect you from all the grabbing hands.” Chris swallowed deeply. I’ve loved you as more than a little brother for YEARS now, but I never thought you went that way. I’m willing to wait even longer, until you’re ready to give love another try.”

Justin thought about all the times when Chris let him drive, all the times when Chris stepped in to try to protect Justin from others as well as himself. He looked at Chris and thought that maybe love wasn’t all about pain and heartache after all. And maybe that his first love wasn’t his last, either.

THE END


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